It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
