I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
