by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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