I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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