Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
