He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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