Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
