first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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