can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
