I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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