I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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