we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
