Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
