We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
