Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
