I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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