i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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