Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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