shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
