Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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