Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
