My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
