I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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