I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
