remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
