Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
