Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
