I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
