ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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