Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
