Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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