you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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