I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
