Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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