Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
