I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
