i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
