You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
