Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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