i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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