you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
