i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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