He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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