cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She needs sedatives and a leash
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
