Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
