Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
