Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
