Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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