Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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