sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
