your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
