Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
