he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
