Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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