What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
